Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
