Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
