You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
