The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize