Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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