Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
