I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
