Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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