Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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