No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i've created a new STD.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
