Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
