My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
