There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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