it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
