I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
