Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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