Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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