i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
