I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
soo... how was my night?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
