You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
