my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
