So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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