don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
