Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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