Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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