I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
