I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
