It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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