So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
