He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i think my cat just said my name.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
