I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize