last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
