writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
