I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
