She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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