she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
