There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
