I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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