The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
