i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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