living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
