Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Farmville is her only friend.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
