i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
