Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hippo gnu deer
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
pray to the hookup gods
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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