Who did Billy Mays play for?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
