Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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