if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Two words: blizzard sex
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
