i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize