remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
