Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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