My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
