So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
