I cannot find my penis.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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