I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So much rum. So many feels.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
