Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
