My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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