i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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