i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
