Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
