hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
