update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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