I'm really into asian looking animals
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
