The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
