She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize