you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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