Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
