three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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