She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
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