I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
