i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
