3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
