please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
