I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
