Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
