3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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