and next time when you feel me up, do it right
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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