He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
