I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
