I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
